Lithium Ion Rechargeable Battery Care

After studying this issue over time I have compiled a list of dos and don'ts for maximizing the life and use of your lithium ion battery in your phone, tablet or laptop:

  • Do not use lithium ion batteries if you are taking a Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitor
  • If you are taking a Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitor ask your doctor why the hell they don't have something better, because, seriously, MAOI's show up as a contraindication for everything ever. Can you even drink water without complications?!
  • Where was I?
  • Do not charge on the Sabbath, for that day is the Lord's day and must be kept holy. 
  • Nickel Cadmium batteries had a memory, so they should never be charged unless they are completely dead. The opposite is true with lithium ion batteries. Lithium ion batteries should never be dead unless they are completely charged. 
  • Lithium ion batteries hold a charge for 50% longer than batteries that hold a charge for 33.3% less than lithium ion batteries. 
  • Tomatoes are actually a fruit. That means you have to stop eating them like they're a vegetable and only eat them for dessert or as a snack. This is because, legally speaking, the botanical categorization of any part of a plant necessarily trumps any culinary or cultural categorizations. 
  • Never fully charge
  • Never let the battery drain completely
  • Keep the charge between 43% and 54%
  • Never let the charge drop below 60%
  • Let the battery drain completely at least once a month
  • Flossing is more effective than brushing

I hope this helps. 

(First published on Facebook 12 January 2015)