A response to a housemate inquiry

Published on Sunday, 03 October 2010

When we are advertising for new renters at our house we get some interesting submissions (happily we are at capacity right now). These messages are always from scammers, but responding to them has become a form of artistic expression for me. I am not exactly sure why anyone would ever buy into this. Of course,  greed and lust are pretty good intoxicants.... 

Hi Lisa,

English does not appear to be your first language, so I hope my answers address your questions. You gave us your height and age and promised pictures, but really, our house is of a standard design capable of accommodating most average adults. We once had a housemate who was 5'0" tall, and a current housemate who is 6'2". Sometimes people closer to 5' have to use a step stool to reach high shelves in the kitchen. I am 6' tall so I have to watch my head when I go down the stairs to the basement.  

If I understand you correctly, you are working as a United Nations "humanitarian" nurse in Seattle. Was there a war there recently? I haven't heard of there being one, but sometimes we don't get all the news about Washington state. None of our hospitals are affiliated with the United Nations since the Twin Cities Metro Area has been a relatively peaceful place for quite a few years now. There were some significant labor riots a few decades ago, and there were serious conflicts between Anglo-American invaders and the established native peoples here mostly between 110 and 175 years ago.

Sorry to hear about your Uncle. It sounds like he is the only family you have. It is too bad you aren't able to find work in Finland. Did he become sick because of the car accident or is that a separate issue? My Uncle died of a heart attack suddenly one day. He was only 60, but had not been in a car accident. He was just swimming. He didn't raise me though, and he was not Finish.

I appreciate your confession about the price of rent here. I am glad you are able to get that off your chest. It helps to be honest and straightforward, especially about things that are on the whole unsurprising or entirely expected. For instance, I must confess that I do not wear shoes to bed. I feel better already. 

I am glad to hear that you are willing to wash dishes. We expect everyone in the house to wash dishes, even if they have to commute to a job that is over 1500 miles away. 

Finally, it is very dangerous to be so freely willing to send a rental deposit. What if we were scam artists trying to gain access to your bank account? Wouldn't that be bad!