When we are advertising for new renters at our house we get some interesting submissions (happily we are at capacity right now). These messages are always from scammers, but responding to them has become a form of artistic expression for me. I am not exactly sure why anyone would ever buy into this. Of course, greed and lust are pretty good intoxicants....
Hi Lisa,
Friday, 7 PM, Channel 5
Kirk, Uhura, and Chekov are kidnapped into slavery by multicolored disembodied brains who like to gamble on gadiatorial games. A creepy fellow who has a built-in reverb speaks instructions from the brains in stilted English. Kirk proves to the brains that they have confused humans with chimpanzees. Kirk kisses a silver bikini-clad slave woman.
There is a logical fallacy called the argumentum ad ignorantiam or the argument from ignorance. The essence of this fallacy is that because we don't know something to be definitively false, it must therefore be true. A good example relates to concern about the dangers of electromagnetic frequencies.
After studying this issue over time I have compiled a list of dos and don'ts for maximizing the life and use of your lithium ion battery in your phone, tablet or laptop:
When people first think of gluten-free foods they think of dishes that would have gluten-based grain, but have had it substituted with epoxy or gypsum. Or they think of rice porridge with a raisin (maybe two). Or perhaps they think of some exotic dish that makes you choke because it is made of puree of okra with xanthan gum, adzuki beans and durian wrapped in oak leaves. (And stored under the deck for 3 weeks in August). Served on a nest of undercooked quinoa.
(I originally posted this on Facebook for Windows 7, same rules apply) Microsoft is preparing to release their next version of Windows Operating system this fall. Given the insufficient number of versions available for Windows Vista, I thought I might make some suggestions for more configurations. Everyone loves choice, so we should have more choices! This is partly inspired by the new Windows Basic edition which will purportedly restrict the number of apps one can run to 6 or something.
Friday, 7PM, Channel 5
Klingons have introduced flintlock rifles to the peaceful humanoids of Neural, most of whom wear ridiculous wigs. Kirk battles a giant plush toy with poison fangs. A sexy woman seduces Kirk with herbs. Will Spock recover from a pierced liver?
English has stupid spelling rules. I say this as someone who has never had much trouble with spelling. What would be nice is if we made sure to honor those words that actually follow the basic rules. The most glaring example is primer. In the United States we prefer to say PRIM-mer. Perhaps this is the result of American feelings of inadequacy at being a rough and wild outpost of the British Empire some 200 years ago, so we thought PRIM-mer sounded more erudite. Well, despite their frequent mutilation of the language (i.e.
Brilliant, but bodyless beings speak as through reverb. They take over the bodies of Kirk, Spock, and Dr. Ann Mulhall. Will Kirk and Ann kiss? Will the reverb continue throughout the show? Will the captain be murdered? Can disembodied minds survive in human bodies without kissing. Specifically the bodies of Kirk and Mulhall? Will we learn of the theatrical notion of Deus ex machina? Tune in on Friday at 7 PM, Channel 5.
I was at the drug store today to pick up some vitamin D. Living in the dark, cold north requires a bit of extra vitamin D. My levels are particularly low. The label said that any claims on the vitamins had not been evaluated by the FDA for efficacy in the treatment, prevention, or amelioration of any disease. Most of the vitamins on the shelf had doses that were ridiculously high. Being a relatively unregulated market, how does one determine whether the pills will do anything at all or worse, do something bad to you.
Friday, 7 PM, Channel 5
The late King Hamlet of Denmark has mind control over children from United Colors of Benetton. The oldest boy is Tommy, who has many freckles. Kirk, who isn’t dead after all, discovers that Tommy has a lot of freckles. Really, it’s like his face is orange. You’ve got to see this kid. Anyway the kids are all orphans because Hamlet, Sr. caused their parents to kill themselves from generalized anxiety disorder. The children are some of the best actors in the series. Tommy has freckles.
Yes. Thai food is healthy for you. It has all the flavonoids, antoxidants, and prevents The Cancer. It is the best for you to eat. It replenishes your vital bodily fluids and improves the purity of your esssence.
The crew of the Enterprise arrives on a planet occupied by very blond, white Clairol models. They love having sex and jogging, but if you step on their hostas, you will be put to death. Wesley steps on the hostas. Oh, and a being that the Clairol models call God gets involved.
I think this is of the most cruelly deceptive phrases in modern advertising. Firstly, no one wants to change their diet. Secondly, exercise takes time and effort and, at least at first, is quite unpleasant. Taking a pill is ridiculously easy to do. So essentially this advertising phrase applies to everyone with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, metabolic syndrome, adult-onset diabetes or other "lifestyle-related" diseases for which there are profitable pharmaceuticals (or "alternative" treatments, for that matter). It should really be "when diet and exercise don't seem appealing...".
Why do our soldiers have to keep dying for our freedom when the soldiers in other countries that are just as free as us don't? Why should we trust politicians who tell us the soldiers are dying for our freedom when we seem so distrustful of them in all other situations? Shouldn't we be most distrustful of them in matters of war-making?
Each of these remedies offer a 99% guarantee that your strep throat will be gone within 5-7 days.
I wonder if entrance exams with their "one right answer" design tend to have a negative effect on academic research. Do they tend select for people who believe there is one right answer to any question? Do people who prefer certainty over ambiguity do better on such exams? Much of the research at the academy is also based on winning grant money. What kind of effect on the quality of research might this have?
Excuse me so much, but John Blackthorne is large in his endowment. So sorry.
I beg your pardon, sir, but there is much discussion of pillowing. So sorry.
I very much ask your forgiveness, but everyone wants to commit Sepuku, it would be a matter of honor.
So sorry, but I am going to elaborate extensively on historical facts in casual conversation. All day.
It is honto, so sorry.
Take the first and last names of two famous football players. Swap the second letter of each player's first and last name (i.e. Joe Namath would become Jae Nomath). Then swap the last letter of each player's first and last names with the last letter of the other player's first and last name. Now take the latin species name of a common songbird of the north eastern US. Add the middle three letters of the bird's species name to the last names of the football players. You should have a total of four words in two pairs. Select one of the name pairs and drop the other.
Consider this bit of trivia: the average salary of an actor is comparable to the average salary of an accountant; however, few if any accountants are unemployed in their line of work, but few make 6 figure incomes. Almost none make 7 figures. Compare this to actors.
